Three women on a Road
The quiet cost of being the strong one — and the even quieter joy of letting other women in.
Let’s talk about a subtle ache many emotionally independent women feel but rarely name.
You’ve built a full life. You’re dependable. Practical. Strong.
You handle your own bills, emotions, kids, deadlines, and crises.
But somewhere inside… there’s a longing.
For connection. For softness.
For those easy, soul-deep conversations with other women — the ones you haven’t had in a while.
But also — if we’re being honest — it’s hard.
Letting women in feels… vulnerable.
You’re not even sure if you remember how to.
Why Is It So Tough?
Let’s start here: because emotional independence was never really a choice.
For many of us, it was a response to our environment.
We grew up watching women around us (especially mothers) be dismissed, taken for granted, or made small.
So we swore, quietly or loudly:
“I’ll never be like that.”
We learned to armor up.
To not need.
To not cry too much.
To not want too much.
To be strong — sometimes at the cost of being real.
Let Me Tell You About Naina
She’s one of my clients, 41 years old, sharp, successful, self-contained.
In her first session, she said:
“I’ve always handled things alone.”
But then she paused. And added:
“Sometimes I wonder if I’ve just told myself that so many times, I started believing it.”
She grew up with a mother who was sensitive and emotionally expressive — but constantly overlooked.
A woman who gave more than she got.
Naina loved her, but she feared becoming her.
So she went the other way — emotionally unavailable even to herself.
Her version of empowerment?
Doing it all without needing anyone.
But over time, she realized: independence is great — but she is losing on a feeling of connection and community?
The Femininity We Rejected Without Realizing
Let’s talk about what many of us have unconsciously pushed away.
The softness. The emotion. The expression. The feeling.
All the things we were told made us “too much.”
Growing up, we heard things like:
- “Don’t be dramatic.”
- “You’re so girly — who are you trying to impress?”
- “You’re not like other girls — that’s a good thing.”
- “Women are always jealous of each other.”
These messages didn’t just shape our view of femininity — they shaped how we saw other women.
They made “sisterhood” feel unsafe.
They made “emotional” feel shameful.
They turned “expressive” into “excessive.”
Even popular culture reinforced it.
From Gossip Girl to corporate boardrooms, women were shown as catty, competitive, jealous.
We weren’t taught to trust each other — we were taught to perform strength for survival.
Why Connecting With Women Heals You More Than You Realize
You’re not just connecting with a person —
You’re connecting with a part of yourself that you were once told to tuck away.
When women gather — even in twos, even in quiet — something shifts.
Because in safe female friendships:
- You exhale. You don’t have to prove or perform — just be.
- You feel mirrored. Her struggle, her wins, her fears — remind you you’re not weird or broken. You’re just human.
- You reclaim softness. The softness that was once used against your mother, against you — is now a bridge, not a threat.
- You rewrite old stories. Stories of jealousy, competition, drama — replaced by ones of compassion, holding space, and genuine celebration.
- You restore safety in your nervous system. Your body learns it’s okay to be held, not just to hold.
In short?
Sisterhood is the medicine to the loneliness you didn’t admit you had.
We were never meant to heal in isolation.
That fierce, feminine independence? It thrives even more in connection.
You don’t lose yourself.
You find the parts you buried just to survive.
What Shifted for Naina
Naina didn’t transform overnight.
But she did start doing little things differently.
She shared a fear with a friend instead of a polished opinion.
She let herself cry after a hard day — and texted someone about it without shame.
She began to feel less alone. Not because others changed — but because she let herself be seen.
She didn’t lose her strength.
She just stopped performing it every second.
If you’ve ever said:
- “I don’t really trust women.”
- “Female friendships are too much work.”
- “I’m not like other girls…”
Ask yourself — did I choose this belief?
Or did I inherit it?
Because sisterhood, when it’s real, isn’t performative.
It’s not about being the same.
It’s about being safe — to feel, to be, to soften, to shine.
You don’t need to change who you are.
You just need to let go of the idea that you always have to be the strong one.
Letting other women in doesn’t make you weaker — it makes you more whole.
About the author
Nehaa Goyal
Nehaa is trauma-informed Empowerment Coach and North India’s only DNA Astrologer, with 15+ years of experience